I also spent the majority of the day reflecting about the mothers in my life and what an impact they've made on my life. I've had a lot of motherly role models in my life.
My mom. Gezz... I don't even know where to being. Yes, she drives me absolutely nuts some days, but I love her unconditionally. I think about all the sacrifices she made for me and to this day, continues to make for me. The endless hours of dance practices, traveling to competitions, the hair and make-up, and pictures... The screaming because she was pulling my hair too tight or poking me in the eye with an eyeliner pencil. She did all that for me. Because that's what I wanted. Then there was the year of soccer. I needed a change, so soccer it was. Without any hesitation, she bought me the whole soccer get-up. And wouldn't you know it, I hated it. It was so violent. Especially when I got kicked in the face. And guess who was there to wash the blood from my uniform? Mom. There were nights of bawling of some idiot boy whom I thought had broken my heart and I would never, ever love again. She was there for fights with my friends. And she was always there when I needed gas money, or lunch money, or money for this that and the other.
Never has her loved failed me, even when I was a stupid teenager and thought challenging all the rules was a necessary evil or part of the 'growing up' phase. She has been there to kiss my war wounds as a child and as an adult, she got up early to make sure my hair was done just right, she spent money on clothes that I HAD to have - even though she knew I wasn't going to wear it. She let me be the person I wanted to be. She also let me fail, not because she wanted to see me crushed, but because she wanted me to learn the difference between achieving and failing. Sometimes in life you have to learn to lose. She taught me to respect animals, and it's because of her I want to stop and collect any animal I see lost on the side of the road. She also taught me the value of an education and that college was something I would attend. She wanted to give me the best life I could possibly have. And she has.
Although she is a woman of few words, she instilled in me the value of the gospel and the love I have for our Savior. She showed me what it was to be a daughter of God. She led by example as she served our Young Women in the church. Every Sunday, she and I would get ready for church and go. Even after we were put down because of my parents divorce. I had hate built in my heart, but she didn't want that to derail my love for Christ. She used that as a teaching moment.
Most importantly, she taught me to be a working mother. From the time I was born till 2000 and something, she worked a 12 hour/day job. She would leave at 6:30 a.m. and she would stroll through the door around 7:30 p.m. She would always make sure she would call as soon as I got home from school to check on me, and numerous other times throughout the day. Even though she worked her ass off, I can't ever remember an occasion she missed because of work. She was always there. Every dance recital, every school play, soccer game, etc... There are days when I feel like complaining about my 8 hr/day, but then I think of my sweet mother who tirelessly got up everyday and did it for years and years. For me. To make a better life for me. I have to remind myself that even though I feel like I'm missing out on Ryker's life, I can't remember my mom not being there when I needed her. That's what matters most.
The best moms get promoted to Grandma
Now I get to watch my mom in this new role, Grandma. I'm so lucky I have a mom who is willing to use her one day off a week to watch my son. She loves him so much and I can just see it radiating from her. The day he was born, she kept texting Scott to see when everyone could come in and see Ryker. She was chomping at the bit. I don't remember if I was holding Ryk or if Scott was, but she was the first one to hold him and just just cried and said how perfect he was. Like me, she loved him before we even knew him. She loves talking about him with her co-workers and loves to show him off any chance she gets.
My MIL. We may not have always seen eye-to-eye, but things couldn't have worked out better between her and I. A few times each weeks, we drives the 20ish minutes to Pocatello to watch my son at my moms house. She offered to watch him for us once I finally realized I had to go back to work and was scrambling for a daycare for a newborn. She knew how stressed I was about leaving my new baby with people I didn't know, she knew I didn't want that and I know she didn't want that for her new grand baby either. I never have to worry that he's not being cared. She took a huge burden off of my shoulders and I don't think she will ever understand just how grateful I am for that.
She never had a cellphone until she started watching Ryker and she even made sure she got one that would take pictures so she could sent them to me during the day and she also learned how to text. It's comforting to write and get a response that he's napping or playing and then get a picture of my sweetheart.
I am beyond grateful she is so good with my son. I'm so grateful she helped raise an extraordinary man.
My MIL. We may not have always seen eye-to-eye, but things couldn't have worked out better between her and I. A few times each weeks, we drives the 20ish minutes to Pocatello to watch my son at my moms house. She offered to watch him for us once I finally realized I had to go back to work and was scrambling for a daycare for a newborn. She knew how stressed I was about leaving my new baby with people I didn't know, she knew I didn't want that and I know she didn't want that for her new grand baby either. I never have to worry that he's not being cared. She took a huge burden off of my shoulders and I don't think she will ever understand just how grateful I am for that.
She never had a cellphone until she started watching Ryker and she even made sure she got one that would take pictures so she could sent them to me during the day and she also learned how to text. It's comforting to write and get a response that he's napping or playing and then get a picture of my sweetheart.
I am beyond grateful she is so good with my son. I'm so grateful she helped raise an extraordinary man.
Most days I am struck with mommy guilt - am I doing it right? Should I be doing this, that, or the other? My heart aches when I drop my baby off everyday to go to work - am I doing the right thing by working? Should I just quit? Every day is a struggle with what I should and shouldn't be doing as a mother. But I just hope Ryker has the same memory of me and I do of my mom; hard working, loving, and always there.
Being a mother is the greatest blessing I have ever been given.
I cherish it with every ounce of my being.
Thanks should be given to my Heavenly Father for trusting me with this sweet, beautiful soul. How did I get so lucky to be called Mom by this particular little boy? My heart is full as I think of the sacrifice Mary made as she watched her son hang on the cross. I know better now, as a mother, the hurt she was feeling. I know she felt every ounce of pain Christ was feeling. I hurt when Ryker hurts and I wish so deeply I could take every ounce of hurt away from him. I know Mary felt that on such a deeper level than I will ever feel.
Mom.
Because beautiful, amazing and wonderful
were already taken.
Happy Mother's Day to all my wonderful mommy friends! Hope your day was filled with wonderful memories and two tiny arms wrapped around your neck.
*** I am almost a month late on posting this - I never pushed "Publish"!
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