Scott and I didn't have to go back to work till the 6th of January and I won't lie, I think it was honestly harder for us to leave him this time than the 3 months I had of maternity leave. He's growing and changing every day. Just how he interacts and the things he's doing. It completely blows my mind. He's not that newborn baby anymore; he's my ever growing, ever changing infant son. It's a tough pill to swallow.
You always hope that with each new year good things come to those you are closest too. And unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work out that way. My best friend, Hilairy, (I talk about her often on here) unexpectedly lost her father on the 14th. He had been sick with flu-like symptoms, went to sleep that afternoon and never woke. I still can't imagine the pain, suffering, and shock she and her 2 brothers and 2 half sisters are going through. It's one thing to know you're going to lose someone close to you, but to have spoken to your dad (or whom ever) that afternoon and have him be gone by that afternoon... I can't even fathom it. Her father was only 58. She and I have spoken about how you just expect your parents to live forever... and then in an instant something like this happens. She and I also spoke about how as we get older, so do our parents. And the unfortunate thing is, you never know what tomorrow might bring.
That week was already an especially difficult time for us because it marked one year that Boede has been gone. I have wrote numerous times about how this has affected our life and how still to this day, it doesn't seem real. His son turned 2 on the 2nd and we went to his birthday party. It's so hard to look at his sweet face and see both his parents. He is a handful to say the least, but growing up so quick. He has an amazingly difficult journey ahead of him and my heart still aches for him everyday. We miss Boede so much, and I know Scott struggles daily.
And if all that wasn't bad enough, my sweet little boy turned 5 months on the 17th. I am getting more and more emotional as the months pass...
You always hope that with each new year good things come to those you are closest too. And unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work out that way. My best friend, Hilairy, (I talk about her often on here) unexpectedly lost her father on the 14th. He had been sick with flu-like symptoms, went to sleep that afternoon and never woke. I still can't imagine the pain, suffering, and shock she and her 2 brothers and 2 half sisters are going through. It's one thing to know you're going to lose someone close to you, but to have spoken to your dad (or whom ever) that afternoon and have him be gone by that afternoon... I can't even fathom it. Her father was only 58. She and I have spoken about how you just expect your parents to live forever... and then in an instant something like this happens. She and I also spoke about how as we get older, so do our parents. And the unfortunate thing is, you never know what tomorrow might bring.
That week was already an especially difficult time for us because it marked one year that Boede has been gone. I have wrote numerous times about how this has affected our life and how still to this day, it doesn't seem real. His son turned 2 on the 2nd and we went to his birthday party. It's so hard to look at his sweet face and see both his parents. He is a handful to say the least, but growing up so quick. He has an amazingly difficult journey ahead of him and my heart still aches for him everyday. We miss Boede so much, and I know Scott struggles daily.
And if all that wasn't bad enough, my sweet little boy turned 5 months on the 17th. I am getting more and more emotional as the months pass...
Ryker Kay, at 5 months you:
- love the bath - finally! Splashing with your legs is the best, you even have tub toys now
- improve on your motor skills every day - grabbing things with both hands
- are most definitely going to be right handed
- are slowly working your way into 9mo clothes - not because you're a 'fat' baby, but because you are so long
- are still EBF
- are so curious about the world around you - making nursing difficult, you don't want to miss anything
- like to suck on your index finger
- still have not rolled
- have yet to cut teeth - but we think you're working on your bottom right one
- have to wear a bib because your drool is unreal
- are a jabber jaw - you love telling mom and dad stories - but it's got to be on your time
- laugh! Like a full on giggle
- are funny - rather it's noises you make, faces you pull... you already have a sense of humor - from mom of course :)
- officially have your own seat at the dinner table
- think peak-a-boo is the funnest game
- are getting more and more hair - we think it's going to be blonde
- still have those amazing blue eyes
- pull yourself into a sitting position and sit, unsupported
- sleep from 8-9pm till 4am most days. If not, you wake up around 12:30am, eat and go right back to sleep
- grow and change so much every day, it completely blows mom and dads mind!
Ryker is still babysat by my mom and Scott's mom. Well this past Friday, I got a text from my mom saying he had rolled over. I was so crushed. My biggest fear being a working mother was missing things. And this was a big 'thing'. Scott and I tried and tried to get him to roll this past weekend and nothing... He would act like he was going to, and then change his mind. So Monday, my MIL and SIL were watching him and later in the afternoon I got a text from Sadie saying he had just rolled over.. again. I was in a staff meeting and it was all I could do to keep myself together. I was completely devastated. I'm pretty sure I cried the entire way to my mom and then all the way home. I practically begged Scott that evening to just let me quit - to no avail.
I've been in the worst mood all week about it, until last night. We had our neighbor over (I was helping her pick fabric out for her couch pillows) and Scott just happened to lay Ryk on his belly on the floor. Next thing I know I hear Scott say, Mommy! I looked to my left just in time to watch my sweet baby roll to his right side onto his back! I think I was in shock! Scott grabbed him again, laid him on his belly and let him do his own thing. Wouldn't you know it.. A few minutes later that little stink was rolling to his back again! This time I managed to clapped and cheer, as well as Scott and our neighbor. He just kinda looked at us like, okay?? So needless to say, I am a little happier about life today!
I'm still really having a difficult time at work and I would like to be done as soon as possible. But, until the time is right, I'll stay. My most difficult thing is knowing how much he's changing on a daily basis. I will never get this time back. Ever. I know Scott knows and can sense how much I'm dying to be home with Ryker and I know he is doing what he can to try and make that happen as quick as we can. I do like the adult interaction and receiving a pay check, but I would much rather live in a cardboard box than miss this time with Ryker.
I never knew how much my mom missed out on being a working mother. I don't know how she did it for as long as she did and stayed sane. I miss Ryk so much during the day it hurts. I had no idea being a stay at home mom is what I wanted to do. I was always a career woman.. and then I had a baby and my mindset completely changed.
We are only 30 days into the New Year and already so much has happened. I hope everyone is staying warm and enjoying 2014! I will upload some Christmas pictures, hopefully tomorrow, if I can remember my camera and cord!
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