Friday, May 31, 2013

What a difference a year makes

I was sitting here thinking about last year at this time...

May 31, 2012. I was just 2-days away from marrying my (different) high school sweetheart. The same boy I had been dating on and off at times since I was just 13 years old. The same boy who had broken my heart a few years before and I did the same to him too. But, through all the crap we went through, we were going to be getting married, settling down, and one day starting a family of our own.

I am certain I was a mess, running around like a chicken with my cut off. It was a Thursday and the guys were suppose to go up and pick their tuxes up in Idaho Falls. My mom and I had went to Costco that day to pick up fruit for the skewers we were going to be making the next night at rehearsal, and I was a wreck that they didn't have in cantaloups (haha). I had made the kids coloring books to set up on the kids table, and I was finishing cutting those out till at least midnight; getting them cut, lined up perfectly and stapled.

Friday was a disaster. I had lined up a guy from my home ward to marry us, and I had been calling and calling him all week to let him know rehearsal was going to be Friday evening at the Rosewood and he would never answer my calls. Well apparently he had gotten himself into some kind of trouble and no longer had the authority to marry us, but he didn't even have the decency to call me. So there I was, 24 hours away from getting married, a few hours from my rehearsal, and no bishop. But by some grace of God, mine and Scott's records had already been sent to Blackfoot and our bishop dropped by the house and said he had gotten a phone call about an emergency and asked if he could help. Bishop Bob, he is a lifesaver. We basically baptized him by fire; he had been bishop less than a week and he had never conducted a marriage ceremony before. He truly is a gift from God and Scott and I appreciate him more than he knows, then and now.

Friday evening before our family and friends showed up we started making fruit skewers, and before we knew it we had a whole kitchen full of help. Now that we had the bishop situation figured out, everything seemed to be going smoothly, which is what everyone wants for their wedding. We were lucky enough to get permission from the building owners to set things up Friday night while we were doing our rehearsal so we wouldn't have so much to complete the morning of. We really lucked out, because it seemed like we had SO much crap to haul in and set up. We did what we could on the inside, but there were things we needed from other people before we could really finish up. For dinner afterwards, we took the entire wedding party to Mama Inez (I'm noticing a trend that Mama's is where we go to celebrate things!). We had been watching out for the weather and prayed that it would be nice for Saturday. The weekend before was nothing short of a downpour and I worried about everything being outside.

We had so much to finish up on Saturday before the wedding began at 5, or so it felt like. So mom and I got their extra early to start setting things up. Of course there were hair appointments, and make up, flowers, chairs, picures etc... that all needed to be done. And having been the one to design the entire day, I felt like I needed to be down there setting up and directing. I had to be told more than once, by numerous people, that this was my wedding day, it will be taken care of, there is no need to freak :) I may have gone down a few times after all that just to check the progress.

I am so glad I was able to go down before the commotion started and soak in the details. My flowers.. aww, my flowers. Beverly Ferro did such an amazing job. She went above and beyond, all the little details she put into all the arrangements STILL takes my breath away. Kim Hardy set up my linens, bistro tables and chair ties. Perfection. Everything came together so perfectly. My cake... A simple 4 tiered lemon and lime masterpiece. Kevin and Jenifer Busick, Big Daddy Cakes, did the most amazing job. And all the different flavors were to die for. The Popcorn Shop for making two different kinds of specialty popcorn flavors just for our wedding. Perfect! I could sit here and go on and on about all the details, but I won't. I'm just so glad I was able to take it all in amongst the craziness of the day. And that I can still remember everything a year later.

There were some minor little details that were overlooked or forgotten about, but thinking back, the day went off perfectly without them. And no one noticed they were missing. Scott and I could not have asked for a more perfect day. The weather was amazing, the day was amazing. We celebrated our love with those who mattered most.

It's amazing to see what can happen in a year; especially sitting here almost 29 weeks pregnant with a handsome baby boy on the way...

Here's to a very Happy 1st Anniversary to Scott and I.



Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Growing Boy

Given that a few weeks were total madness, I missed a couple 'belly photos' but these are the most recent! Starting to get bigger for sure, but it's all him - no where else!.... Yet :) 




Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Daddy's Look A-Like

Yesterday morning Scott and I had a 4D ultrasound scheduled. It's something from the very beginning we talked about wanting. And seriously, any time we get to see our son is fine by us. First and foremost, technology.. What a gift and a curse! Yesterday was most certainly a gift. I cannot believe how much detail they will show, enough for us to know Ryker Kay looks like his daddy. He has Scott's nose and chin and my chunky cheeks and full lips. He is so beautiful. It's amazing how much I've fallen more in love with him just by simply seeing his face, seeing his crinkled brow when the ultrasound tech was poking him, actually seeing his mouth open up and a little tongue hanging out. I am seriously getting teary eyed just thinking about my precious baby boy. We love him so much already, it's crazy.

The bigger he continues to get, the more feisty he gets as well. His mother's child for sure! He is not about having his picture taken or being disturbed from sleep. During the ultrasound, Ryk kept putting both his arms up over his head or putting his hands in his face. I mentioned when we found out his gender/aorta check how much he likes his hands in his face, well, it still hold true. I think that will be his comfort once he gets here. He would also throw his cord in front of his face as well. He is funny. He's got a big personality for such a little boy. Check out his pictures....


You can see the cord coming out of his belly in this one


Look at those juicy, kissable lips! 

I like to refer to this as his diva hand. Hahaha!!!


I am totally and completely bias, but I am so smitten with him... My heart is full. Scott was about 5 or so minutes late for our appointment (he had problems at work) and I was saying how Ryker had his nose. He says, "you can actually tell what his nose looks like??" The ultrasound tech brought up his imagine and I watched the smile on Scott's face grow from ear to ear. And he just looked at me with total amazement. I said, "told you." That saying 'I never knew how much I loved your dad until I saw how much he loved you' is so true. He is going to be an amazing dad. He loves his son so much already.

We've been talking about who we want to stand in on his blessing. As many of you know, or probably all, Scott does not hold the Priesthood. And for the first time he told me how upset it made him that he won't be able to stand with our son and give him a blessing. It pulled at my heart. Ryker isn't even here yet and I know Scott is ready to make himself a better person, not just for himself, me, but selflessly for his son. He's such a good man, and I love and appreciate him so very much.

In other news:

I had to take my glucose test yesterday too. I don't know what everyone is complaining about... It's not that bad. I did the orange flavor, and it tasted like flat Crush soda. Not a big deal. But, once all that nasty sugar hit my system, I about crashed like a ton of bricks. It made me so sick and dizzy, I really thought I was going to lose it until the nurse told me if I did, I would have to start over again! Um, no thanks. Luckily I kept everything down.

I am at 28 weeks and everything is going awesome! Just getting bigger and bigger, feeling like a beached whale every now and again. But I can't complain. I know I've had the most easy pregnancy and for that I am so grateful.

I had a birthday last week.. 26 years old. Ugh. I was such a debbie downer the entire day. The harsh reality that I am closer to 30 than to 20 slapped me right in the face! Haha! I had to work, so it really wasn't that much of a birthday and I'm quickly realizing once you reach a certain age, birthdays really aren't that cool anymore! Scott did take me out for a nice dinner and mom ordered us a yummy ice cream cake (Scott and I are 5 days apart). Then Sunday was Scott's 27th birthday, so we had the family over and I went and got my mom and we had a nice BBQ at our house. The Nelson's brought another cake for us, so we've been on sweet overload at our house this last week.

An update on my mom, she is doing great. She MADE me go home last Friday for the first time in a couple weeks. She has been worried about me and I think she just wanted to see if she could navigate being on her own. She did really well. Not to say that I wasn't a huge mess the entire time I was home, texting her every 30 minutes or less I bet. I was a nervous wreck!

She is progressing very well and is even starting to get off some of her medication. Her physical therapist plans on getting some shoes on her and having her start walking down the sidewalk in front of her house. That was the plan for today if the weather held up enough. The steps going into our house don't have a railing, so they are going to work on getting her safely down the stairs before they do anything with her. She is also moving around much quicker than before. Sometimes I feel I have to tell her to slow it down. I know she is tired of being cooped up, especially when we had our few nice days. She is an outside person, so loves working in her flower beds and being outside, but this injury has really screwed that up. Luckily with the deck, she is able to go outside and enjoy a little vitamin D during the day.

Well, I hope all is well with everyone. 
Until next time,
-M

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Pictures


I had my friend Hilairy take some graduation photos of me a few weeks ago, here are some of my favorites...






My baby boy needed in the pictures too :) 


Here are some not so recent baby belly photos



And last but not least, graduation...
KSHP Graduation 5/10/13

Health Education Graduates





I think he was kicking, or Scott was talking to him..
Can't remember :) 





My mommy


Nothing is ever easy

You ever had those days, weeks, months where literally nothing seems to be going good? Well, I'm having that, only it's been this whole year. Granted, seeing our perfectly healthy, beautiful son was the most extraordinary moment of the year, it's probably the only one. Seriously.

Let recap, shall we....

Wednesday, May 8th at 4:45am Scott got a telephone call. I just assumed it was work, happens all the time. But it was quick and to the point, he got up and just flipped on the bathroom light. I have to say I was annoyed like, dude, I'm sleeping! But he walked over to me and put both hands on the side of my head so I asked what was going on. He said "that was your mom, she doesn't want you to freak out, but she was in a accident at work (I started trying to sit up and he wouldn't let me) and broke her hip." I yelled, now is the time to freak out! and pushed him out of my way. Adrenaline instantly kicked in and that's pretty much how I've survived. We took separate vehicles so Scott could go to work if he needed and I had to stop and drop the dogs off at my moms. I tried to get my crap together just enough to be able to stay calm with her on the phone. I called her and she was crying and in so much pain, the worst thing at that point I could imagine. I calmly asked what had happened as I tried my best to choke back the tears as I raced as fast as I could to Pocatello. Of all things, she was leaning down at work to pick up a box of yogurt, stood up and went to turn to the left and somehow lost her balance and fell right to the concrete floor. She knew something was instantly wrong, but had no idea how bad. Instead of her fellow employees calling 911, they took her to the ER once she told them she couldn't move or walk. Once she got to PMC, they started doing heart checks and an x-ray.

Scott and I got to the hospital about 6am and run up to the Med/Surg floor. She was still crying from all the pain, even though she had been hooked up to morphine once they realized how bad the break was. Not only had she broken the ball of the left femur completely off, she had shattered it into numerous pieces. Her leg was completely rolled out, basically her knee was laying completely on the bed, and I thought that was the worst thing I'd see... I can't tell you how many doctors we met with from 6am till her surgery at 10am. There were filing in and out to check on her and see how everything was going with the pain. It was a total blur to be honest. 

While she was in surgery, I left to go take care of her animals and feed my dogs. I got a call from the OR saying everything was going well and that her surgeon would like to meet with me and discuss the surgery. So I went back to the hospital and met with him. He told me everything went really well and since she's young she should be able to bounce back relatively quick. It made me feel better to know everything went so well, I went and got me some lunch then headed up to the Total Joint Center and waited for her to get out of recovery. I only had to wait 10 minutes I think before I saw them rolling her down the hallway. She gets really sick from anesthetic, and it's something she mentioned numerous times to numerous people and they all assured us they would get on top of the drugs to help prevent it. Well rather they did or didn't, it didn't help. She puked and puke, etc. for what seemed like hours and they tried at least 2 different kind of drugs before they gave her a drug that completely knocked her out. At that point, it was the best thing for her. She had been through so much and had zero rest. They wanted to get her up that evening, but it just wasn't going to happen. It was the hardest thing leaving her that evening, I felt bad leaving her alone, even though she was completely wiped out. I cried all the way home. 

Thursday, May 9th. I made sure to get to the hospital at 8am and was a little surprised she had some color in her face and was eating some toast. But it didn't stay long. Before I knew it she was white as a ghost and profusely vomiting. Her BP was hovering around 80/40, consistently and nothing they did could make it go above 84/46 so they ordered her a blood transfusion. When they came in to test out her blood, they found out her hemoglobin levels were bottomed out and another H one, so they put a rush on it. Long story short, it didn't help a wink. So they ordered a second. By the end of second one, her BP spiked to around 156. One top of all of this, she was still throwing up consistently. So the nurse gave her another round of that nausea medication and it wiped her out again. Thursday was by far the worst day I have ever had to deal with. No one should have to see their mom in that much pain and agony. I was so physically, mentally and emotionally drained could I hardly keep it together. I just cried and worried, and cried and worried. She still wasn't able to get up and moving to start her therapy on her hip, so at that point we just kept prolonging her stay no matter how much we tried to reverse it.

Friday, May 10. I again made sure I was to the hospital at 8am. On my way to Pocatello I cried and kept thinking the worst, what happens now if her pressures haven't gone up and her blood levels didn't increase?? I almost hit the floor when I walked into her room and saw my mom, not a ghostly skeleton of a woman who resembled my mother. I cried and cried. Just thinking about it makes me cry. By some miracle of God, her pressures had finally stabilized and for the first time since Wednesday she looked great.  She was even having some toast and drinking coffee :)

Friday happened to be a very special day, it marked the day I would officially graduate from my ISU program. I think that was another unspoken reason things were so difficult to deal with. The day we've been waiting years for was finally here, and my mom wouldn't be able to be apart of it. I hated being away from the hospital to attend my graduation while I knew she was stuck in the hospital. It was an awful, sad, empty feeling. You're not suppose to do this kind of stuff without your mother... Scott, my dad, and his wife were able to make it to my KSHP graduation. All in all it was a nice event, I got to see some of my friends in the program I haven't seen since we finished in December and was able to so some catching up. But, not being able to stand next to my mom with my certificate was devastating. 

Also at this same event, my friend Jackie Poulson was honored. Some of you may remember her death in August. She and two other men, her father-in-law and friend, were electrocuted in Blackfoot. She was two classes away from graduating with her Master of Health Education degree, but ISU was so great to honor her by giving her family her degree. It was such an emotional thing to see her mother stand up from and accept the degree. I was already a mess from everything that had happened in my life, but I couldn't stop from crying. Tears of joy and sadness. I miss Jackie. She was such a great spirirt and funny as hell. She was always making me laugh, she and I have a similar sense of humor, I'm a firm believer that's why she and I were friends.

After the days events, Scott and I headed back up to the hospital to spend some more time with mom before we went home. Every night was hard leaving her, I just felt guilty that I got to go home and she had to stay. While I was gone to my graduation, she was able to get up finally and get therapy started. She was really tired Friday and I think a lot of the getting up and moving had to do with that. As worried as I was about her getting up, she said of course the hip hurt, but after experiencing Wednesday, she said nothing will ever compare to that pain. I felt so much better that in just 24 hours she could go from where she was, to actually have gotten up and moved. It was refreshing but nerve racking.

Saturday, May 11th. Scott and I got up extra early so I could see mom before my ISU graduation ceremony at 10am. I made sure to dress in my cap and gown and walked in. She cried and apologized for missing it. It made me sad that such an important part of my life, she wasn't going to be there for. The day was bittersweet. I wanted to be happy and excited, but I was just bummed and totally exhausted from everything that had happened. My dad, gram, Scott, his family, my aunt Bonnie and uncle Terry, and my friend Marianne and Conor were able to make it to the commencement. I am lucky to have them, all of them. I know graduation is long and boring and loong, but they made the effort to be there for me and it means more than they know. 

My mom had arranged a Taco Bar at her house for afterwards, I think Scott wanted me to cancel it because he knew the day overall would be hard on me. And it was. But I knew if I canceled the dinner on her behalf, mom would have been even more upset, so we kept it going. A sister from my home ward had gotten in contact with another sister and helped prepare the party meal for me. Such a huge blessing for me and a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I am beyond grateful for the sisters who helped me, there are not enough words to express my love and appreciation. I've seen more blessings, the power of prayer, and God's tender mercies more in these last 7 days than I have my entire life. It makes me beyond grateful to be apart of the LDS church and to know that there are people in the ward who would take the time to dinner for me. I am one of those who thinks I can do it all, with no help, but this is a swift reminder that it is okay to ask for help and there are those who are more than willing to extend a hand.

Sunday, May 12th. Our poor home had been neglected since we haven't been around too much, so we got up EARLY and took care of a few minor things before we headed to Pocatello. We were so exhausted from everything on Saturday that we put up food and that was it. So we went back to my mom's and get everything picked up and taken care of before we went to the hospital to hang out with mom for Mother's Day. In the whirlwind of everything, Scott and I didn't even get our mother's a gift, let alone a card. I guess that makes us sucky chilrden :) We sat with mom at the hospital for a few hours and made sure she was okay for a couple hours while we went to McCammon to see Scott's mom and have dinner out there. He's been craving his mom's homemade spaghetti - so he bargained with her to make it. Delish! We stayed out there for a couple hours and headed back to the hospital before we went home. Mom said for her Mother's Day all she wanted was a vanilla ice cream cone from Arctic Circle, so we stopped and got her one. It's the simple things in life. We stayed with her for a while longer and headed back home.

Monday, May 13th. HOME, HOME, Home at last! After 5.5 days, they finally felt she was stabilized enough to go home. The best, worst, most stressful day since Wednesday. I was so nervous about her getting around and all the stairs in her house. Her safety was my main priority and Scott practically begged to move her into our ranch style home, but since she has home health, PT/OT it just isn't feasible. So we both made the decision it was in her best interest for me to move back in with her to be there during the night and out of the goodness of my Mother-in-laws heart, she agreed to stay with her during the day so I can be at work. The room she was in was a smaller one in the house, so we moved her to a bigger room so she would have direct access to the bathroom and have more room to manage her walker.

The adjustment is hard and this was the first time I felt bitter. It sounds so awful, but I felt like that for a number of reasons. It's hard enough being an only child. But when something like this happens, the responsibility falls on you. Especially when your dad is no longer your mother's spouse and she has never remarried. Everything, literally, falls onto my shoulders. Being pregnant doesn't help matter anyways, I'm all jacked up on hormones and the stress has been trying on me, well everyone. I can't just leave my mom to fend for herself, and I have no problem being there for as long as she needs me. I'll stay as long as it takes to get her well, I just wish I could share the responsibility with someone else. I know, after a stern talking to by Scott, that all I have to do is ask for help and it's there. And I realize that. I am getting better at asking for help, and again I appreciate that so many people are there to help us. But as the only child, I feel like it's my responsibility to made sure she is taken care of and well. That's my only concern is that she recovers and is safe in her own home. "This is not a permanent thing", that's what I have to keep reminding myself. "It won't always be this hard." I see improvements in her everyday, and it makes me incredibly happy, and it also calms my fears and stresses. Day by day, step by step, we can make it through this.

Tuesday, May 14th. This was the first day I was back to work since everything happened. It was very hard to leave her, even though I knew my MIL was going to be there shortly. I kept calling and texting every 30 minutes it seemed like to make sure she was okay. And of course, she was. When I got home yesterday, she looked really good. She met with the home health nurse and they scheduled the days/time she would be in to test her blood and change her bandage if needed. She got set up with a PT/OT to come in and work her hip a couple times a week as well. Because it was such a traumatic bone break, she runs the risk of blood clots, so her blood is tested every other day to make sure it isn't too thick or too thin. She's also on a medication that helps to thin the blood too, but we have to have her on a special diet because the dosage can be easily fluctuated with Vitamin K; no salads, broccoli or leafy greens while she is on it. Really, the whole thing has been a huge learning experience.

Wednesday, May 15th. I can't believe it's been a week that this whole mess started. I keep looking at the clock thinking, at this time we were doing this... It's amazing how far she has come in just 7 LONG days. Like I mentioned above, I see improvements every day, they may be small but they are improvements and that's all that matters.

I can't even express how much gratitude and love I have towards those who have called, text, facebooked me, came over, and so on... Your love and support, prayers and well-wishes have made this wild and crazy journey just a little easier on me, and I know for her too. A huge thanks to my amazing, incredibly selfless husband who realized my mom needs me more right now and for helping me with anything I need. He has kept me sane when all I wanted to do was breakdown and give up. He has been with my every step of the way and seeing him help my mom has made me fall more in love with him. His gentle, caring soul is something that doesn't emerge too often, he holds it in for moments like these. How I ever got so lucky that he would put up with my crap, I have no idea, but I will never take that man for granted. I don't tell him 'thank you' enough for all he does. Being apart has been hard, but we both know right now I am where I need to be, and that's caring for my mom for the next little while.

I will make sure to keep everyone updated on her progress. It can only go up from here I know. So expect better news each time!



On another note - a happier one, this girl reached 26 weeks Sunday! I can tell Ryker is getting bigger because he is in my ribs and kicks the crap out of me all day. I'll be sitting down doing something and get a huge wack!, the kicks and jabs are to the point now that they hurt a little bit! Scott's parents and sister bought us a travel system and Scott got right on putting that together, I think it's been a couple weeks now, may two (the days are running together!). It is so precious, in just 14 weeks and our little man will be coming home in it.

I have a boat load of pictures I'm going to upload separate from this post, so stay tuned for that!

Hope everyone is enjoying this stifling heat, so much for hoping we get a spring!

-M